lesbian romance

Journey Through Me

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Every river that runs, begins with drops of water, begins with a stream, and ends in the depths of the sea. So is life, we begin with a drop, we come out in a stream, we grow and gather along the way things that keep us afloat and things that hold us down and in the end we must at some point, realize the depths of it all. The ebb and flow of the sea speaks to our end, pulled by the moon, stolen away by the sun, refreshed by new rivers that come to their end every day, it teaches us that we are only temporarily in this flow we call life. It teaches us that the cycle is neverending. It makes ME realize the end is nearer than I’d like to believe.

I see differently, I take in more, I ache for this world and those who use their power to hurt, I believe in love. I lose my way in love, and every cell in me works toward that perfect end, but my eyes,deep in my spirit are showing me that there is no perfection in this world. I know I won’t reach that place and I know my expectations are too high for this realm. I know that what I see as right and what others see as right have become two different paths, one I walk alone…intuitive and too gentle for the pain of it all.

There is a pull I feel, something that is tangible and that I can hold onto, that I know someday I will reach that plain of existence, love everlasting.

The ebb of my physical body has become apparent, my weaknesses show, my strength is in spurts of energy usually brought on by the will of my mind. I am drained by my hope and stilled by my dream and one day flows into the next. I am angered by my acceptance and complacency…what stirred my heart has become flatlined and I am hollowed out by the pounding of a river that once filled me and moved me. Sometimes I float, but at this moment, there is a reckoning and as still as I am, I cannot come to terms with..the end.

I remember when I was naive, tender and had faith, I sometimes long for that feeling again. I don’t run fast enough, I don’t leap every chance, I don’t take for granted what has been given and what I feel and what others feel. I can’t go hard, can’t be hard or let go easily, I don’t heal fast or forget or make believe..I have learned to protect myself, keep up walls, hold onto what is real and in front of me, I am passive and ever caught in this place between want and hope, love and dreams, giving up and holding on..will it come before I end? ..that is where I am..on this journey through me.

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