Remember those little notes we used to pass in class, the ones with the little boxes, check one for yes and check one for no…will you be mine? Do you love me? Can I hold your hand? Can I kiss you? Where are those little boxes now?
I wish life was simple, but it never is, we complicate ourselves, our relationships, our dreams, our hopes. I wonder why it’s so hard for things to just be simple. I wonder why we throw obstacles and fears and misunderstanding into the mix, sometimes inadvertently and sometimes by choice, but either way…why?
I guess I am more childlike in my thinking when it comes to certain aspects of my life. I look at things as pat and dry and hate when they get watered down. I look and see what is beautiful and then someone cuts through the beauty just to make sure I see what isn’t. I believe with all my heart until doubts are given a voice. I yearn for a fairytale and all I get is a novel full of chapters and an ending that isn’t happily ever after…more like cliffhangers that I am always waiting to figure out…seems I never do though.
A thunderstorm is rolling in right now. The energy I pick up from it seems like a balm and the beauty I see in the dark clouds and the lightning bouncing off of them is how I wish I could see everything all the time. I’ve never tended toward pessimism, never wanted to see the dark side of the moon or stop wishing on the stars, never wanted to go through hell to get to heaven, or smile pretend smiles, never wanted to feel my heart-break or forget who I love, never expected that I would face things alone or have to hold myself in because there was no one there…I look at the sunset and I see the future, I look at the horizon and wonder every day if there’s ever going to be anyone on the other side of the mountain that sees and feels and wants and needs and loves me…that other half…that completeness…enough to make my fairytale end, in happily ever after…