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The Journal..

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She blew the dust off her journal and picked up her pen, the boa feather on the end fluttered as she spread open the pages to begin writing. Her red satin and lace nightgown spread around her hips and her legs crossed on the white down comforter, she sat twirling her dark hair in her pink painted fingertips, letting her mind wander.

She looked down and started reading her last entry, the words seemed to peel off the page and they burned in her memory as they flew through her mind. It had been sometime that she had even lifted the book from the shelf. An airline ticket fell onto the floor as she lifted the journal and repositioned herself against the pillows, another moment in their time that she had tucked away. The words took her back, she felt the moment as if it were happening again.

Dear Diary,

She slipped under the covers last night and whispered in my ear, ‘I love you’. I don’t quite know how to answer, so I fumble an, I love you too, back to her. We have had some hard times and the pain I am feeling is crushing me. I do love her, but I wonder silently if I am the only one. She is one to skirt around an issue or negate it with remarks that just make me crazy and I back off..why do I back off? This love has endured, through the pain, through the jealousy, through the doubts, through the fights but most of all, it has kept, for me, so many beautiful memories locked up in it and those times like tonight, as I open and read my words, I remember the rush I felt when she “ever” spoke those words. Her green eyes flash at me and I can do nothing but melt in her gaze, she takes me to a place where I have never felt so safe and so overwhelmed and sometimes when I dare to think of her goodbye, it is like grieving before death..I guess I am preparing my heart..but I will never really be prepared for her to be gone.

A tear slipped down her face, she had forgotten that moment until now, and she picked up her pen and wrote…I love her still, I always will, from the heavens to the bowels of this earth, the angels have surrounded this love from its conception through its birth, it has labored long and will survive until the moment the end of time arrives. My heart awaits, my spirit flies from here through the blue, and if I never believe another thing in my life, I believe in what I know I have with you, and if it takes a change of attitude, or living alone with this gratitude for all the ways you make me feel, I know what I hold in my hands is more than real, it has always been what has waited here inside of me, something I have that will take me to eternity…

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