forever love · lesbian love · lesbian romance · life lessons · Uncategorized

What Breaks

What breaks the pride and the heart sometimes are the same things. To remain in the waves with my head above water is so much of a challenge that I want to just throw up my hands and surrender to it, have it drag me under and away. I sit in darkness and the candles melt away and the pain is seared into me like a branding iron and I am marked by each journey I take and the ominous ghosts that haunt my house and the desire to run to her. I am drawn out spiritually but thrown back into my own fires as if my ashes can be revived again and again…I want to own that I am nothing, be okay with not being counted or heard, I want to fall on my knees to pray not crumble because my tears and their pain bring me there…I want to be love, to her…but my pride says…be loved…by her..and so I hold onto the evidence as if it will always save my life..but without her, it feels like I am dying…so be it…there I am, my words echoing back within these walls…to only me…I can’t wait for the wait to be over…

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2 thoughts on “What Breaks

  1. Written so crypicly, why not just shout my name or is this written for someone else? I am sorry, I wish I could swallow the pain for you and take it away. I am sorry for the hurt. Sorry for the pain. You do matter. You ARE loved.

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    1. Don’t you worry…I will be screaming your name! ..and you have taken away the pain and you have fought for me and for us and you have been there for me when I was hurting…and I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you’re still here, that we have what we have together…I love you…

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