She slips the key into the lock and I hear the click and my heart races. It makes it hard to catch my breath when I look into her smoldering eyes. The minutes that turned to hours to days to weeks to months to years and into half a decade and still she fills me to overflowing with anticipation. When she reaches for me, she transports my spirit to somewhere there is calm, where there is love so pure that sometimes I feel unworthy to touch its fire, but she pulls me into it. There have been times that I walked through those same flames and baby, it felt like I was walking in hell, and then something in me stilled. The waters rained down and cooled me and all I could feel was its flow even when the strongest storms blew in me, even when it felt as if I would drown.
There were days when I thought I would go insane, days when I felt the air slip from my body, but somewhere I stored up a strength that couldn’t be shaken. Her kiss would melt me to my knees, and her touch sparked feelings that carried me somewhere where only angels roam, and even when she was away, I kept my heart in those clouds, every one silver lined, because somewhere out of the blue, her sun would shine on them.
I’ve delved into my vulnerabilities and have faced that struggle and broken, only to find within them was a beauty. I have become a master at self expression instead of waiting for some puppeteer to attach the strings and move me. I’ve fallen so far down that all that was left was the humbling realization that intimacy doesn’t begin and end with anyone but me. I have risen with an excitement that replenished my spirituality, and passion, and has allowed me the freedom of self expression. For all of the days that she boosted my confidence, made me feel my worth, lifted me every time I fell, I’ll be forever grateful. She is the reason that I built a heart that is filled with philosophies about life that I would never have seen or been moved to believe in. Because she believed in me, she taught me how to believe in myself. Her lock on my heart isn’t like a prison, and the key she turned has set me on this path to a freedom. I don’t sell out myself to please the world anymore, I’ve paid a price in my life for doing that, paid in full. The only debits I take out now are the ones that will heal the hell that I put her through when I wallowed in insecurities. I shake my head when I think back at how chained I was to them and all I want is to wrap my arms around her, and love her like she deserves to be loved. It’s as if a weight has been lifted off me to KNOW that I can love her forever and trust that love with everything in me, because wherever this road takes us…has taken us..it has always and will always be what my reality is. I am strong enough to stand alone, but I hope I never will, she is my heart.
From the first moment I looked into her eyes, I knew. From the first time her hands held mine, I knew. From the first look back, I’ve been looking forward..to this moment in time. I love her more than love can be described because there are no words for what she brings to me…and I can’t wait to feel myself in her arms again…wait to feel her breath against my skin…breathless