Living in the present was something she’d had to learn. Her past was so full of memories that the walls seemed to press in on her all the time and she’d forgotten how to be in the here and now. She had first felt the change earlier in the year and it sparked against her mind and body and spirit with such intensity that it made her want more, to seek more. The task of being in the present was sometimes daunting but steadily she had to remind herself less and less. She’d read those words over and over, but the philosophy never sank in, Tsu, Angelou, Twain, on and on, but she supposed now that it was something that had to be experienced to really grasp what it meant to stay in today. There is a saying, that ‘we only have today’, yet she had a problem believing that, more so she had stayed stagnant in her life and thoughts, a culmination of memories that dragged her down instead of moving her forward. She clung to the suffering, the happiness, the good and the bad like a bouquet of balloons. They floated above everything she said and did, not seeing that the effects was like having glaring lights in her face making it impossible to live without some memory encroaching on her relationships. The first time she’d let go and felt what it was like to not hold the past or fears of the future over her head was so freeing, this was what it was like to live, not just to exist but to be full of the miracles, the feelings, the logic, the purity, of today and only, today.
The rising of the morning sun, the sparkle of dew on the grass, the laughter of happy birds singing sweet songs, the air, it was all statically charged with energy, she had allowed herself to feel it, and was surprised by the experience, so much joy that it carried her into the day, with a new outlook. It was not unlike any other morning, but it brought with it the present of the present, nothing to encumber where she was, no thoughts that took her back to what was gone, no warnings or tumultuous gathering of ideas of what tomorrow held, just that beautiful, peaceful, stillness where she let go. She closed her eyes meditating on this emptiness, the ungluing of her soul, the freeing from chains that fell off of her, in that moment she felt herself grow and change, the bud opening petal by petal, each falling softly open to reveal a beauty in and of life that she’d long forgotten how to feel. This was a whispering lesson that had given her wings to seek this out every day.
Being present in your life with a conscious effort takes away nothing, it makes you realize that it is the here and now, that matters, it gives to others, it allows love to flow, life to be lived, no expectations, no doubts, nothing that ties you to anything. She wants it to be that way, every day, every moment, to not let life pass her by without living it.