She had been struggling with the uneasiness she felt, she was drowning in thoughts that made her introverted and she could feel herself trying to reach for air but she had no idea how to put it into words, what actions, what discussions, were actually being heard. Sometimes she felt like the shaking inside wouldn’t stop, she had to barely speak, barely touch her, like a fire she turned her to molten lava that dripped down, but she felt like the ground they laid upon was like ice, and she was turning to crystal, crackled, and breaking apart.
In the shards, she saw the reflection of her lover standing by her and yet, she seemed lost, and she wanted to pull her back but her fingertips stung grasping the edges of this love that was always meant to be, and so she pieced each piece, one by one, back into place even as they pierced her heart. Love, or its intensity, waxes and wanes, torrid and unforgiving, passionate and encircling at times so that it seems you shine from the inside out, unnerving and confusing, quiet and cool at other times, like being under the earth, but the roots only grow deeper then, when she and her …come back together. There was no question that their foundation would never fall from the quaking or the aching.
But she came to the mountains, the jagged rocks, and she would stand and look up, there was never an answer there, but still she searched the universe, waiting for something she didn’t know how to understand, or where or when, if, it would ever come. There were caves, places where she never ventured close enough to. There the angels lived, the air would fill her lungs with breaths that whispered prayers, hoping the wind would carry them, lift the angel’s wings, and they would light on her to save her, make the mountains move, because sometimes, they seemed too hard to climb. She was battered and bruised, thrown against the rocks but she clung to them with a hope, believed in her dreams, and when there was no more air, she would close her eyes and breathe her in, remember her against her skin, she gave her life.
She felt the seed from her fall upon her, and she felt the pull of the sun and the glow of the moon as she went under the tide of her, like liquid, they would melt into each other, a holy place, no gravity, only a feeling that their energy rode the rays, the waves. Her green eyes turning to pools of the deepest water, and there was a place there, where she lost all control when she took control of her. She moved her spirit, claimed the darkness that she hid in her, lit the caverns that always echoed with memories, from the moment the seed took root in her body, she had been her forever love.
She felt the slice of that knife that cut her consciousness into fragmented thoughts, they fell like the leaves of fall, they melted like the diamonds that showered from the winter sky on the blades of spring grass. There were photographs, there were smiles smiling back, there were missing pieces that had long lost their clarity. Time stands still when she slips away into that world, but her fairy tale read like a novel now without an ending, and every sequel brought her closer to the end of time, to another beginning …of them. There was something she knew would be eternal, something she could feel, somewhere that she flew to, and when she looked her in the eyes, she knew that in any lifetime, she would know her face, she would always be with her..again and again. Her eyes are a mirror to her soul, a stairway that led to everywhere and nowhere, she could not look, and look beyond them.
She looked over wanting to watch her sleep, wondered where she was as she smiled in her dreams. She listened to the rain on the roof as they had done before, and as her heart broke, it mended once again. She dug down into the soft and found the pearl hidden in a puddle and walked through the shadow of a doubt, but she knew the way, like the back of her hand, like the touch of her hand..on hers. That road she’d travelled, alone, and with her by her side. Her footsteps along this river left imprints of their life, there were dances, there were the moments when they stood just looking into each others eyes, there were times they ran, and times they just sat on the banks still and thoughtful, but there were always footprints in the sands of time, and when she looks back, she sees them all and walks on…someday, she will reach the sea.