Eternity · Growth · Karma · living

My Insanity

ths way

Well, it’s almost Fall and I’m cutting Zinnias and watching for the Four O’Clocks to open their sweet faces every afternoon. The Hummingbirds visit their feeder every few hours during the day and evening and my chimes play beautiful tones whose song can close my eyes as I drift off to their music.

The stars are amazing here, the sky is so dark, and I feel like I can see even further into the universe than I ever have, when I look at them. Tonight is like that, today was like that…sometimes I wonder why these things matter so much, how it moves me and sometimes I feel like I belong….

on a different plain. 

Sometimes I question my sanity or rather my insanity. I can’t put my finger on it but I know that someday I’ll put them all under my wings and it will make sense… for now though, I’ll just ponder. Some say change is hard, some say you that moving forward is the answer, I don’t think change is hard, I think the “same” is “easy”. I think where I stand is …the question. 

Why are we drawn to the past, and then, see the future, instead of seeing it when we’re drawn and examining it. Realities are that when we are drawn to the past, it is because there is a motive. Another reality is that we are drawn to the future by expectations. That is my opinion. The biggest reality of all is you can’t turn back time, nor can you decide or see the future. I hate being blindsided by both…but it happens.

I’m usually pretty perceptive, and my intuition is usually tuned in and right on, but I think either it has a short in the connection or I just don’t see the signs or want to believe, when it comes to certain things, people…feelings… I have felt disconnected, fearful, uncertain, and even questioned myself. I have examined the motives, realized the expectations, it hasn’t been the easiest road and it took putting my spirit to the fire to be able to see that there is a bigger picture. I am thankful for what I was  taught.

I am grateful for the clarity. I am glad that it’s okay to be exactly who I am and know that I don’t have to settle. I don’t have to chase anything…it’s not about that. It’s not about winning, losing, acceptance or rejection…it’s about being, doing, and knowing that nothing can touch you unless you allow it. It’s about putting things out there in the universe…and  you better know, it all comes back.

To me, eternity is neverending, and with that comes the knowledge that I will pass this way again…I am an eternal being, it only makes sense that my energy has been here before…will be here again..in some way.

I watch the clouds, they drift on the winds, the mountains are silhouettes, everything is silent, as if the darkness has taken every voice. I am tired and my thoughts have been everywhere today and all I want to do is close my eyes, find that calm. I will loose the chains, believe in good and leave the rest…

to my dreams.

this too shall pass

and pass

….and pass

this way

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