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Own It

There’s so many experiences in life, and depending on the circumstances, we each handle them where we are emotionally, how we feel physically, and spiritually, and the past figures in also. I have always heard we should move forward, though I don’t know anyone who doesn’t measure things they’re going through against things they’ve gone through, and how do you not?

It’s the cycle of growth, something we reacted to strongly at some point, may become invalid in the present, something we had no reaction to at some point may become valid in the present, it’s all in the way we grow our soul. If we were actually an open book, then our reactions and actions would easily be seen from a point of view that makes them understandable, but as anyone knows, that book isn’t usually available in paperback,

You can’t be inside me and I can’t be inside you, more often than not we drink the poison of ego and assume we know what someone is going through and feeling, but it’s impossible to understand completely. We may find our peace in a totally different space, and our anxieties may stem from things that others can’t comprehend, yet it is easier to judge than to not. You can’t heal someone from the outside in, it has to be done from the inside out, and since we can’t physically reach in and remove any part of anyone, all we can do is allow them to find their way themselves, that is the only way to find and change us, me, you and experience either forward or backward motion. 

Some say the universe conspires to give us what we want and need. I say, and this is my own opinion, the universe conspires to relate back to us our wants and needs and we as individuals seek those things out and make them happen ourselves. I believe in a higher power, but I don’t believe it’s out there beyond the stars but that we hold it and use it when we believe in something and that it is within us. I, myself, have found that to move heaven and earth, there has to be almost a desperation for, and a passion for, what we feel is able to sustain our being in the moment, this moment.

There’s so many facets to humans, what makes me tick, what brings me peace of mind, what stirs me, aren’t found in anyone else. Our individuality lies deep in our mind, there may be a time that it feels like we’ve lost touch with ourselves, often it is in those moments that we aren’t able to rectify the world with what we feel should be happening. It doesn’t mean you ARE lost, it only means it’s time to work on yourself, these are the times that are make or break moments, it is growth.

Growing pains can seem impossible to deal with, some will lay stagnant thinking no movement will make it go away, some will fall back and repeat things over and over because what they believe keeps them rewinding but the pain is the struggle to finally get up over the crest and see there is something better, you can’t see it for them.

Then there is the pain of moving forward. Though it seems the most reasonable thing to do, if we are dragging everything with us from the past, even that can end in futility. There’s been few times that I have achieved, with lasting success, forward movement, without the rebound effect from the past.

I do find myself, as I grow older and wiser, becoming more able to grasp the beautiful way life plays out and my ability to accept and lift myself out of most situations. I was always carrying around not only my emotions but also wearing the emotions of others, it’s when you see that you can’t be the cure, that you allow yourself to step back. Putting yourself in the position of mr or mrs fix it can become the thing that breaks you. I take time now to shed that because I’ve found an uneasiness in carrying that on my shoulders.

I found myself becoming numb. I would sit and wonder where my peace went, where my heart was, why I couldn’t feel. It scared me to the point where I had to remedy it. There was so much I’d let slide, so much time wasted. I looked around me and realized that I’d put so much of myself out there that I had nothing left for myself, it was oppressing, I had to force myself to grow, to reclaim my ground, and slowly the world calmed. I sat for hours just revelling in everything beautiful, wonderful, amazing in my life and it almost felt like my bowels ripped open and all the shit poured out, it was a release that actually allowed me to fill the void with a different love, one that didn’t rely on the outside world but the world I created…inside.

They only saw what they wanted to, they drank in the poison and it poured out of them into me, they had no idea that because I am a sensitive and empathize, that it almost drowned me. Ego whispers, I am always right, it puffs itself up and can live in the condemnation of others, but one thing about ego is that karma is standing right behind it…

Do what you may, you don’t know every chapter, every sentence, everything anyone tells themselves, we all are human and move in different directions at any given time..it’s our own choices that make the difference.

So please, the next time you see someone struggling, remember your own,,when you see someone rejoicing, remember your own happiness..and if someone reaches out to you..remember that sometimes all they need is your hand,.we all live from the inside out..hold onto yourself too..so much peace comes when you know that the moment you’re in is where you’re suppose to be…and where you go from here, you own…let go of everything else and own it…

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